Saturday, August 15, 2009

Funeral

We buried Dora on Friday. I'm exhausted. My sister died @ 9:42 p.m. on Monday, August 10. We arranged to have her breathing tube removed at 2 p.m. We were prepared to say goodbye to her. The Gift of Hope coordinator told us that she wouldn't be taken off of the breathing machine until the evening. This was because Dora was an organ donor. All of the transplant doctors had to be at the hospital before Dora's breathing tube could be removed. One of the doctors was coming from downstate Illinois and his plane wouldn't land at O'Hare until 8 p.m. Monday evening. Dora's husband came at 2 p.m. and kissed her hand and left. He told me he wasn't going to stay. He didn't want to watch Dora die on his birthday. He sent his cop father instead for the procedure discussion with Gift of Hope. Since my sister's injuries were due to a gunshot she would need an autopsy. My father was inquiring about it and how long it takes, and when would she be released to the funeral home. The chaplain explained because Dora was part of the police department family the autopsy would not be rushed. Somehow my sister's father in law took it as though we were trying to get his son arrested. He verbally abused my father. He yelled something about you god damned -----, when he is a -----. Security was called and he left before they arrived. I wasn't present when this happened. I was with Dora in her room. The Gift of Hope coordinator told me what happened when I asked why security was in ICU. We talked for a few minutes and he told me this display was not uncommon. He said these situations either bring out the best in people or the worst in them. I told him that it was terrible that our situation was common.

We returned in the evening to be with Dora. My brother in law was in her room and he had brought his friend for moral support. I couldn't believe he brought someone outside of the family to watch my sister die. He said he wasn't even going to be present for her death. I guess he must of been guilted into showing up. Watching someone die is the worst thing imaginable. All of the doctors and nurses told us it would take about a minute. She struggled to breath for twenty minutes. As soon as Dora died my brother in law and his friend bolted from the room. They didn't say a word to us (Mom, John, Chris and myself).

At the funeral my family was segregated from my brother in laws family and friends. During the service at the cemetery, while holding my niece he stood away from the casket. He chewed gum and talked to his friends. Immediately following the service at the cemetery he sent my nephew on vacation to Kentucky with one of his work friend's family.

People morn in different ways, but some semblance of sorrow should be present when your wife dies. When I went to my sister's house last week to gather her things and get clothes ready for her funeral there were few signs of a loss. The only indications I saw was the sadness in my niece and nephew. My sister's neighbors had gathered at the house with their daughters to provide "comfort". Pizza and appetizers were delivered. Wine was opened and offered to me. It was a surreal experience when I was functioning on a piece a toast for most of the day. My sister was gone from that house and she wasn't even dead yet.

I found out today that Internal Affairs wants my Dad to talk to them next week. I'm wondering if I should go with him.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Dealing with suicide

My 34 year old sister tried to end her life early Monday morning. She took her policeman husband's gun and used it. She managed to shoot enough of her brain to make recovery impossible. Her heart is beating but she can't breath on her own. Her breathing tube will be removed on Saturday. I'm heartsick of course but I'm angry too. I'm angry that she could leave behind her two small children. I'm angry at her husband for his infidelities and emotion abuse. I'm angry that no matter how many times we told her to leave him she didn't. Angry that in her suicide note she wrote three sentences about how she loves her family and children and the rest was about money. How much there was, were the documents were, how to collect social security benefits, etc.
I hate that I have to be the diplomate between my family and my brother in law. I have to keep the true feelings I have for him to myself for the sake of my niece and nephew. If I alienate him then there will be no access to the kids.
He has been on us for the bank statements that my sister left at my mother's house. My sister isn't dead yet and he is going on about money. The bank told us not too give him anything, but he is being persistent. I don't know how long we can keep putting him off. He went on about the expenses for the funeral. How he is handling the funeral home, but he would like my parents to pick up the cemetery cost. Also, he said he needed to discuss the cost of the luncheon. Money. My parents are distraught and barely holding it together and he wants to talk about money. He went on about how he is only thinking about the kids, when the kids are the beneficiaries on almost all the assets. He wouldn't be able to use that money for expenses. He has to go to probate court, doesn't that take time?
I'm trying to deal with my own grief, guilt, etc. and I don't want to become involved in a money dispute.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Trying to work on a Family Tree

I'm kicking myself for not talking to my grandparents about our ancestors when I had the chance. I thought my parents would know a good deal about great-grandparents, etc. It has not been the case. I'm frustrated that no one in my family had thought about doing this until now. Hopefully, I'll have some luck with aunts and uncles. I've been using http://www.familysearch.org. It lead me to Ellis Island. I think that I found my great-grandfather. It's surprising how family names or the hometown's name were misspelled. My family name was spelled phonetically and I've found several versions of it. I've been tracking down distant cousins on facebook but trying to find the ancestors that connect us isn't easy. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Depleted Mother Syndrome

I haven't felt like posting for a while. My grandmother passed away this month and I just feel blah. But I found an interesting article to share on Depleted Mother Syndrome.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Bleek Mood

The good news for this week is that Alex won't need speech therapy. He had his evaluation and he is on track for a 3 year old. So that is a relief. I haven't wanted to post because of how I've been feeling. The medication was doing what it was suppose to until I had to up the dosage. I was fine in the beginning of the week but I've had a headache for the last 2 days. Hopeful this will end soon. The layoffs happened so that's on my mind. It sucks having to be here again. I've been trying really hard to payoff the credit cards and to try to save some money. I've been hoping to move on up for the last 10 years. This old house is just too small for 6 people and a dog. The kids need room for play and these old house weren't designed with that in mind. The bedrooms are about the size of some of my relatives walk in closets. I know I shouldn't complain. We have more than a lot of people. We are at the moment in good shape financially. The bigger house fund just gets turned into the emergency fund. The severance package was fair. Hopefully, a new job will be found before that ends and we need to tap into the reserves. I'm just bummed. And worried. I keep reading about smart talented people being out of work for 6 months or more.

Women in Art

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Wreck This Journal


I stumbled on Keri Smith's website. She has something fun called 100 ideas.

Just a random thought

I was reading a blog and the mommy/author wrote about how her dog pooped in the bathtub. That reminded me of when Martha did the same thing. The family and I made the 4th trip to Disney World in 9 years. My sister was our doggy sitter. She told me that overnight, Martha had managed to break the wooden baby gate and had used the tub as her bathroom. She had never done anything like that before. Martha is fine with us, but she has some issues.

Friday, January 30, 2009

*CUTE GIVEAWAY @ DE'S*

*Cute Giveaway @ De\

I've been meaning to post pictures of the Raggedys I made years ago. It was my first project. I learned how to hand stitch and later how to use a sewing machine. The cutie above is being offered in a giveaway.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Yiayia is sick

Yiayia is in the hospital. My mother called this morning to tell me. My yiaya has been in and out of the nursing home or the hospital for nearly a year. She fell and broke her hip last year trying to get out of bed. She went to the rehabilitation/nursing home after that. I think that her Dr. thought with the proper care her hip would heal, but she finally had to have surgery last fall. When I saw her after that surgery, she looked as though she was barely herself. I don't know if the medication was the culprit. I feared that I was seeing early signs of dementia. It broke my heart to see her in that condition. I need to see her today. This new year has really been pretty sour so far.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

What a unique video...

I visited Andrew Sullivan's site and saw this video. No, I'm not a British (Irish decent), Gay, Catholic, Republican Conservative man. He calls himself a Libertarian Conservative. I've seen him on Real Time with Bill Maher. He is an interesting fellow who can keep up with Bill Maher. I don't agree with his politics, but he had an interesting article on President Obama.

Her morning elegance by Oren Lavie. Pure charm:


Does Shoveling Snow Count as Exercise?

I have been the official snow shoveler this season. David lost his wedding ring in the snow last winter. He searched in the evening's bitter cold and couldn't find it. He even bought a metal detector thinking that would work. But it didn't. He was distraught when he realized it was really lost. Dave missed the feeling of the ring on his finger. He broke down and bought a new band 2 weeks later.
I wasn't pleased. I had asked him to wait. I had the notion that the ring would be found once the snow melted. When the big thaw started, I knew it was time to find the ring. I paced up and down our front walk looking for the ring. I walked with my head bent down, straining to see the ring. I was getting discouraged at this point. As I walked to the other end of our property line, I saw this round shape in the melted snow. I have a butterfly garden on one end of our front lawn. Somehow the ring had landed in the garden. The ring was recovered and the stand-in ring was exchanged for a reward for moi.
This is one reason that I have been on snow detail. I'd rather not have a repeat of last year. The other is that I have been a work widow. Of course all that may change soon. So I have been shoveling snow this winter. I've also been shoveling my neighbor's walk when they haven't. They just had premie twins so I've been trying to help. Some of my other neighbors actually pay to have landscapers come and clean their sidewalks. I guess I'm the only crazy mom doing any shoveling on my street. Can I count this as exercise?

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Medication for everyone

This has been a busy week. Christopher received 5 shots on immunization day. I opted for the HepA. He also need another flu shot. Christopher went through his checkup like a champ. I was concerned that he would be in pain or get a fever, but neither happened. So the baby was fine which meant that my other 3 would trade getting sick. Sophia started with the sore throat and cough. She passed it on to Alex who continued with the cough but added throwing up first in the car ride home from Yiayia's and then in his bed. Then Alex traded the cough to Zoe and me. What fun!
I finally bit the bullet and went to see the DR. I haven't been feeling like myself for a while. I had taken Wellbutrin for anxiety for a little while last year. I thought I was doing better so I stopped taking it. I've had a few panic attacks since my hit and run. This coupled with constant fatigue signaled that it was time for a DR visit. I have some experience with depression and I was exhibiting some of the symptoms. Like many new moms I experienced postpartum depression. Sadly, I wasn't treated. I tried to explain to my OB about what I was feeling, but she said I just had the baby blues. I don't think doctors were very aware of these issues 10 years ago. So my postpartum turned into clinical depression when I finally sought help 9 months after my daughter was born. I'll save that story for another time.
I have to go back on the Wellbutrin at a higher dose. Hopefully this will help. On a good note, I've lost 7 lbs. since my last DR. visit. It's not much but at least it's a start.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Immunization Day

Christopher turned 15 months and that means it's time for more shots. I should be used to this by now but I'm not. We have to visit the pediatrician and I'm dreading it. I usually go with all the kids in tow because the Dr. is only a few blocks away. I think that I'll have to drop Zoe and Alex off at Yiayia's (Greek for Grandma). CJ is supposed to get 4 shots. He is going to need my undivided attention. Alex has been asking to visit Yiayia for a while now, so this will be good for him.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

More nice things...

I have a really nice mother in law. Wives out there know what a big statement that is. When I call my mother in law, we can easily be on the phone for an hour. It is just so much easier to talk to her than my mom. Why? Probably because we don't have the mother/daughter baggage. I'm grateful to be able to have a good relationship with her. When I spoke to my in-laws this week, they asked about what was going on with my hit and run. I told them what had transpired and explained about my concerns, etc. They sent me a letter this week. At first I thought it may be a card. You know the kind, Hang in there, we love you. But as I looked at the legal sized envelope my mind thought, no they didn't. But they did. They sent us a check to help pay for the deductible. I just couldn't believe it. My parents in law wanted us to have one less thing to worry about. How do you thank someone for that kind of generosity and thoughtfulness? I called my mom in law yesterday and I tried my best to thank her. I told her what a loving gesture it was and how much I appreciated her.

Martha Stewart Contest

I entered a Martha Stewart contest. I'm not the type to do this but I thought I would give it try. The winner will get a sewing machine. My Singer is 20 years and reliable, but I thought it was time to upgrade. I submitted a photo of my daughter Zoe's christening outfit. It was challenging but it turned out lovely. Zoe was so precious on her big day. The outfit was the first piece of clothing that I made. The ensemble consists of an under dress/slip, the christening dress and a bonnet. I was able to incorporate a few french seams in the garments. The dress was hand-beaded with tiny pearls on the collar. The bonnet is lined and embellished with little pearls. It was a difficult project for a novice but I am happy with the results.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Nice things first...

I get the Mary Engelbreit newsletter. Her cute e-newsletters include free downloads, fun recipes and projects, plus great information on her special events and new products. I used to be an avid collector of most thing Mary but I've run out of room. I have most of the pieces that I want and have realized that I can't buy everything. I forgot to renew the magazine this year, but at least I still get the newsletter. Here is Mary's free background download for Valentine's Day. Her artwork is clever and cheerful. We can all use a little help getting our smile on.

Mary Engelbreit's official website.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Putting things in perspective

While the hit and run drama was unfolding at home, my eldest daughter Sophia found out that one of her classmates was going to be returning to Japan next week. She is sad that her friend is going away. Yuta (sounds like Utah) told Sophia that he and his mother want to stay but not his dad. What a hard situation to be in. Sophia wants to get him a going away present. I'm not sure what would make a nice gift for a 9 year old Japanese boy.

Hit and Run Part 2

I found out that I won't get reimbursed for the deductible. I started to have a panic attack when my insurance agent was giving me the news.  The police went to look at the car in question and couldn't find any damage. They went recently. It's been almost two weeks since it happened. So I don't know if this driver had time to get the car repaired. The good samaritan that gave me the license plate of the other car may have given me the wrong plate number. Which is scary. My brain that night thought I saw the plate starting with the letter Y. I thought the number she gave me was too good to be true. I asked her repeatedly if she was sure this was the right number.
The dark side of me started to freak out. I worried that the good samaritan was just trying to mess with someone she had a beef with. I called the gas station to find out if they had surveillance cameras. The clerk said that the police had come by to check them, but I don't know if it was in regard to my case. I have to call again when the manager is there. The paranoid side started getting scared that the police might think I filed a false report. Friends and family have since reassured me not to worry. This is such a mess. I don't know what I should do. $500 is a lot to have to shell out for something that isn't my fault. But it's all the extra drama that is freaking me out. I don't know if I should pursue this further or just let it go. I was so naive to think this guy was going to get out of his car and exchange insurance information with me. My father, brothers, and husband have all had their fair share of accidents but the other drivers never fled. Was it because I was a woman? How often does this happen?
The lesson that I learned was to find a pen and start writing a number down. Then call the police. I'll have to assume, if there is ever a next time, that the other driver is not going to do the right thing.

Monday, January 12, 2009

I hate to Exercise!

I made myself do the treadmill today for 31 minutes/1 mile. It's not so much the activity that I loath it's just so boring. I forgot to grab my ipod so I had to do this silly workout in silence and that is bad for me. I start to think. I alway wind up thinking about things that I shouldn't.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Lisa Lecture is having her 1st ever GIVEAWAY


Take a look at Lisa Lecture's blog. So delightful. I can't wait to look at all of her creations.

Hit and Run

Here I am blogging about dolls and forgot about the hit and run I was in on 12/23/2008. I guess I was blocking it out. I should have stayed home that night. I was trying to pick up a refilled prescription for my husband before Christmas. It was snowing hard and the plows hadn't been out yet. First bad decision was choosing the Prius. I got stuck in the alley because the alley hadn't been plowed. My neighbor saw that I was stuck and came to help me shovel the car out. I almost switched to the minivan but proceeded to run my errands. I was driving home when this guy started to spin out in the opposite lane and even though I tried to change lanes and slow down he still managed to hit me. I was screaming NO, NO, NO when he started to come at me. His '95 Ford Escort wagon survived. My new '08 Prius wasn't so lucky. The impact damaged the front left tire so I needed a tow. He hit me so hard that I wound up on the street. After he got control of his car he looked at me for about 30 seconds and then drove off. My iPhone had locked up. I was waiting for it to restart to call 911. In the meantime, the Escort driver just left. I didn't even have time to get his plate number. I started screaming again. I was stuck in my car and had to force the door to get out. Just then 3 different people came to my aid. The first was a man that came to check if I was ok. Next came, a woman who called 911 for me since my phone still hadn't restarted. Finally and most important was another woman who managed to get the needed plate number. The man even gave me his business card, in case I needed a witness. I was overwhelmed by their help. I started to cry when I thanked and hugged my good samaritans. I couldn't believed that people had stopped to help me after I just experienced a hit and run. I was upset about the car and the big deductable but I was glad that I was getting to go home to my family. Since the car needed to be towed, I had to get home somehow. The police officer that filled out the accident report offered to drive me home. I got to ride in the back of a police car. Now that was weird. I was anxious about my neighbors seeing me getting out of a cop car. I thought great the tongues are going to start wagging. I could just imagine the things that they would come up with. Yes, it's that kind of street. Like Wisteria Lane without the money or bling. The Prius is still in the shop and my husband is forced to drive a smokey rental for now. He's been really great about all of this. He told me that his Christmas present was that I made it home that day.

Doll Obsessions

I have an obsessive personality. This combined with a woman's inclination to shop is a lethal combination. I have collected dolls in the past, but then I get bored with it and put it to the side. That is until my interested is peaked and it starts all over again. My doll interest is bad enough. When it is combined with that of two young girls then it gets expensive.
My daughter's have crossed over to the American Girl side. I remember when they first came out. I had just started college when the catalog arrived. I learned about St. Lucia through the catalog. I was amazed that someone would walk around with candles on their head. I thought the dolls were clever and interesting but I never bought one. I was too old for dolls. Had I known how much they retain their value, I would have indulged.
For Christmas, the girls each got a used AG thanks to eBay. I can't bring myself to buy the new ones for xx amount of dolls no matter how cute they and their accessories are. I did indulge in getting several outfits for my older daughter, thanks to AG's black Friday sale. Some of the clothes were drastically reduced so it was a good value.
Through this new interest in AG, I've had to learn how to do some repair work. One of the dolls had some purple stains on it. Silly me. I thought that magic eraser would get it out. Not so. I learned about putting acne cream on the stain and putting the doll in the sunlight. It worked. How? I have no idea.
I have to learn how to restring the dolls. It is expensive if you need to get all four limbs done. May as well buy a new doll. But there are helpful people out there that offer advise on how to do many of the repairs yourself. My favorite is justmagicdolls.com. I appreciate the information that is provided. I have one AG I bought from eBay that I need help with. Jess arrived and smelled like smoke which the seller didn't disclose. I was able to clean the body using the techniques described on justmagicdolls. However, the doll's head still smells like smoke. This is after washing her hair and sticking the head in a box with a box of baking soda. I just can't get the smell out completely.

Here are some informative sites on American Girl dolls.