Dealing with suicide

My 34 year old sister tried to end her life early Monday morning. She took her policeman husband's gun and used it. She managed to shoot enough of her brain to make recovery impossible. Her heart is beating but she can't breath on her own. Her breathing tube will be removed on Saturday. I'm heartsick of course but I'm angry too. I'm angry that she could leave behind her two small children. I'm angry at her husband for his infidelities and emotion abuse. I'm angry that no matter how many times we told her to leave him she didn't. Angry that in her suicide note she wrote three sentences about how she loves her family and children and the rest was about money. How much there was, were the documents were, how to collect social security benefits, etc.

I hate that I have to be the diplomate between my family and my brother in law. I have to keep the true feelings I have for him to myself for the sake of my niece and nephew. If I alienate him then there will be no access to the kids.

He has been on us for the bank statements that my sister left at my mother's house. My sister isn't dead yet and he is going on about money. The bank told us not too give him anything, but he is being persistent. I don't know how long we can keep putting him off. He went on about the expenses for the funeral. How he is handling the funeral home, but he would like my parents to pick up the cemetery cost. Also, he said he needed to discuss the cost of the luncheon. Money. My parents are distraught and barely holding it together and he wants to talk about money. He went on about how he is only thinking about the kids, when the kids are the beneficiaries on almost all the assets. He wouldn't be able to use that money for expenses. He has to go to probate court, doesn't that take time?

I'm trying to deal with my own grief, guilt, etc. and I don't want to become involved in a money dispute.